have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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