I smell stomach acid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
