just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize