Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
