First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
