My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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