I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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