Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
