Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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