I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
