the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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