masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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