dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
