She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
