I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
