How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
