i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize