As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
