READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
