he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
