i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
