I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
