are you still at the devil's house?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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