I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
