Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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