I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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