Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
