My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
