Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
