He kissed a someone with a penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize