my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
