I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
