You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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