is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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