he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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