so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
