So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
