I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize