Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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