I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
