ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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