yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
