It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
