Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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