i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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