i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
