Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
