I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
