Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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