dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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