I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
