If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
