Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
