I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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