shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
