Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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