How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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