Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize