Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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