He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
