apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
