Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
