Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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