mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
