thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
