He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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