just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
