Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i permit you to call me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
