so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
