No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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